If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
