she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize