The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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