Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wow bdsm is so cute
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
