I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
