so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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