She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
