I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
