Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
