Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
