It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
