return my video game
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
