I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
