Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
