And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
