oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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