is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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