chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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