I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
