TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
