Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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