My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
