woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
