Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
