apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
