Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
