Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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