my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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