just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
