What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
