foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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