Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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