It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
