she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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