she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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