Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
