Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
