Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
