I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
