I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
