i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
