Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
