I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
