So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
