If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
