haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
