ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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