thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
