I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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