You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
