I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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