While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
