called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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