I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
