Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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