You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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