your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
