haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
