There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
