rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
