So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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